- Comic Con: knock knock
- Me: who's there
- Comic Con: not you lol
I’m currently feeling really deprived…..
Time to slip away from people and into my room to do some solo blues…………. No one else here wants to learn and dance with me.
Where in the World Is Sam?
Long story short: South Dakota.
I am currently interning in-the-middle-of-nowhere, northeastern South Dakota and guess what? I love it!!
I work outdoors just about everyday for a decent rate and am living with 5 other inters on site. Normally you’d think that that would mean us eventually being at each other’s throats, but all of us are so enthusiastic to do what we do that it tends to keep us in high-spirits.
Now, in addition to living out here where the nearest town of 400 hundred people is about 10 miles away I have taken up baking:
That monstrosity was a product of an attempt at making a s’mores bar thing using graham cracker pie crust, brownie mix and marshmallows. Anyone wanna guess what happened? Despite the mis-hap, it turned out rather well
Co-worker comment: “You know, you were just looking for the authentic s’mores experience.”
On another note, it is truly beautiful out here and unlike anything I’ve experience. The sky is so vast and the land seems to go on forever. I don’t think I could ever see myself living somewhere so far away from people but it’s a lovely place to visit and just to let your mind clear.
Either way, this is definitely an experience I’m not likely to forget.
Though I am nearly half-way through my internship now I’ll do my best to upload photos. Keep your eyes pealed for my next photo post!
On Things that Change
I know I’ve been gone from home for a long time, that I’ve dropped out of contact with a lot of good friends I’ve had, and that part of me feels as though I’ve grown beyond them. It’s not to say I don’t love them like I used to, or care like I used to. I’ve just……. moved on.
It’s odd to me that they treat me as though I haven’t been gone for months, that we are closer than ever, that I’m still the “big sister” type they would spill their guts to, that we know each other really well. But where is the proof? I don’t know them, not anymore. Just as they really don’t know me much either. And they don’t tell me things like they used to. When I went to school with them, they’d just feel compelled to tell me things. Everything. Now they hide things from me, and only tell me what they think I want to hear. Maybe that’s how it has always been. Maybe they just want to shelter me from them growing up themselves.
Either way, those that were closest to me see the change, that I’ve pulled away more. They won’t tell me how they feel about it, and it really doesn’t help the near apathetic feeling that seems to be on the rise. The apathy comes from me trying to protect myself from the realization that we are just all moving away from each other; that we were meant to go down separate paths.
By the way, for those of you who are reading this that know me, and you know which ones I’m talking to specifically. Telling me passive-aggressive “I’m fine”s or “It’s nothing”s does not help the situation either. You are allowed to tell me things without expecting me to pry. I respect you so much more than that. I just want to know how you’re feeling.
……. and I really don’t want to have to decipher it from Facebook.
I don’t have much time till I leave for South Dakota and I feel as though there’s so much left to do. Though, I guess what I really must do is just keep going. So, let’s see how this summer goes. For better or worse, this summer will definitely be interesting.
On Finals and Being Home
Finals went well, actually. I got a C In Chemistry and in Geophysics, which I expected and a B in Wyoming History. I was content with my grades for this semester. All I can do is look to next semester and try and do better, right?
Being home is nice, if not boring already. I am so happy that I can be home for at least for a little while. But, I already find myself bored here. I had a lot of friends that were so close to me in Wyoming, and about a hundred things we could do together. Now I rely on long travel times and such to see them.
That is not to say I’m not ecstatic about being able to see friends who I haven’t seen or spoken to much since I’ve left, But, I’ve grown distant from them. It kinda sucks a little, actually.
Anyway, I’ll toss some pictures up when I can.
The drive up
There is nothing like home-made food after a long while without it.
Look at the brotherly love.
The bikes before the ride.
Meet the boyfriend and the beast.
Welcome to Sinks Canyon.
I don’t think Easter would have been anywhere near as amazing without the help of my boyfriend and his family.
I Wish I had the Words
This weekend was amazing. I was able to spend it with my boyfriends and his family, seeing a side of Wyoming that you just can’t experience in Laramie. His family is a beautiful group of people who love each other deeply and would do anything for each other. I am so touched that they accepted me without hesitation or judgement. I’ll put up a few pictures another time.
Today was tragic. I woke up this morning and had a panic attack about the limited time I have left in the semester, along with the very real possibility that if I slack off at all I could wind up with Ds across the board, making this semester all for nothing. I also found out that my grandmother passed away yesterday morning.
I’m struggling…… a lot. It’s hard for me to face the people I care for and that know me. I shy away from their sympathies, because I honestly think I don’t deserve it. Part of me just doesn’t want their apologies and their attempts at consoling me. I don’t want their sympathy. So, instead, I’ve pulled away.
I’m doing laundry on a Monday afternoon, avoiding my roommate because I can’t take her happiness today. It’s her birthday today. I couldn’t bear the thought of tainting it with my hurt and sadness. I’m avoiding my friends because they’ll look at me with sad eyes and awkwardly try and figure out how to have a normal conversation with me again.
So I’m hiding in my laundry room because no college student does laundry on a Monday afternoon.
I don’t really know what to do.
I guess….. I can only keep going, right? Isn’t that what she would have wanted?
This weekends was one of the best and worst weekends I have had in a long time.
The best bits:
I got to spend time with my best friends and my boyfriend, and we just got to relax. It was the first time I could just breathe for a while. I was able to spend Sunday at my boyfriend’s house and watch movies, bake cookies and eat good food with three of the most important people to me here.
I have previously mentioned that my grandmother was diagnosed with acute leukemia this past December. This Sunday, while at my boyfriend’s home, I received a call from my grandfather saying that my grandmother’s end is coming closer. The doctors can no longer do anything for her, so she was set up at home to be as comfortable as possible for when she passes.
In all honesty, I wanted to hide in a hole today. I was restless, had problems concentrating in class and was overall just distracted. And I can’t pin down exactly what I’m distracted by. I’m just trying to keep myself from thinking too much right now.